Senior Spaz Attack

This week began my senior year of college. I experienced the whole, "last first day of school" thing (although not quite sure about that...grad school is a possibility...although I do like thinking I experienced my last first day of school), and I have pretty mixed feelings about it. I kicked off my last first day of school quite literally by scraping my foot on the door of my classroom and spent the first half of my dance class trying to make sure I wasn't bleeding everywhere. So typical.

Since coming back to school, I've also realized a couple of things about myself that I forgot are also so typical. I have the habit of announcing to people how I feel about certain things, without really thinking about it. I justify it as talking to myself but other people overhear it. For example, I like to announce things like "I'm hungry" or "I'm cold" out loud in the middle of class. Or sometimes I share thoughts or opinions like, "What we are doing right now is stupid". I also sometimes turn into a British man. Last week in OShow rehearsal I spouted out something in a British accent really loud (I was just as surprised as everyone else was that I was talking this way) and accidentally said the word "clapping" as "claffing" in a British accent...it was confusing. In other words, I still have the same blurting problem I've had since kindergarten. Some things don't change.

Change is an interesting thing to think about when approaching senior year. How have I changed? How have I not changed? How different are my friends now than they were freshman year? I've done a lot of reflecting and nostalgic reminiscing with my friends already about how far we have all come in these past three (soon to be four) years. I don't know if I would say I'm a completely new person, but I think my college experience has caused me to grow into myself. However, I have a whole year left (well...9 months, I guess) and who knows where I'll be by the time I graduate in May.

I have spent the past 2 weeks I've been here in Boston literally spazzing out about graduation. About a week ago after spending almost $20 on laundry and literally sweating all over the laundromat (it was embarrassing) I spent almost the entire day questioning my entire existence and purpose in life. It was exhausting! I know it's normal to be freaking out about my last year of college, but man, I really need to loosen up. I keep forgetting that I have time to figure out these things. Sometimes I just want someone to draw me a map of my life and say, "go". And then sometimes I just want to run away 'Eat, Pray, Love' style and 'find myself'. Who knows what the future has in store. All I can do is enjoy this last year. I think the answers to my questions will follow (well, maybe not the whole, 'what is my life's purpose?' one).

So if any of you are freaking out like me (and I know you are), just remember that it's not over yet, and we can always live vicariously through our friends who aren't graduating on time.

namaste,
elise