If someone was to ask me if I'm superstitious, I would probably say no. Black cats don't bother me (other than the fact that I'm not a huge fan of cats) and I've walked under plenty of ladders in my day. But the more I think about it, I'm actually very superstitious. Probably selectively so because I'm not superstitious about everything. But I will admit my mind always goes to the cosmic realm. I'm all about signs and making wishes and analyzing my dreams (not necessarily superstition unless you count my dreams where I forsee the future...sounds crazy but it's happened). I check my horoscope everyday and choose not to believe it if I don't like it.
The reason I got to thinking about this was because of this wish bracelet my friend Vanessa gave me. At the very beginning of the semester my friends Vanessa and Chang had a get together and Vanessa brought back these Brazilian wish bracelets for all of us. You tie the bracelet around your wrist with three knots and make a wish for each knot. When the bracelet falls off, your wishes are supposed to come true. Vanessa said she's never had a wish not come true. I'm holding her to it. I've had this bracelet on all semester (made sure no one noticed it during Man of La Mancha so I didn't have to take it off...mwhahah) and I've grown a little attached to it. Part of why this bracelet is special is because Vanessa gave it to me and all of my friends so it's sort of like our little thing we all have. Cooler than a friendship bracelet but not hardcore like a gang tattoo or anything. But I have been mildly obsessing over this thing. Everyday I check on it's stringy-ness status. This thing has gone through a lot of wear and tear. My mom thought it was part of my prison costume for Mancha. I am just patiently waiting and waiting for these damn wishes to come true. I've had it on since January 17, so this has been a long 3 month commitment. Big deal.
What I've realized about this bracelet and I guess about superstitions in general is the reason I (and I'm sure a lot of other people) hang on to these things is because of lack of control. There is a lot of fear that comes with not knowing what your future holds. I can't control everything that's going to happen in my life and that's annoying and liberating at the same time. I think I hold on to these silly superstitions because it gives me a sense of control over my future, luck, etc. My group of friends from home are totally into this stuff--we read tarot cards and play Ouija all the time. My friend Layne loves to predict everyone's futures. This kind of stuff is fun and oddly comforting at the same time.
So who knows when my wish bracelet will fall off and my wishes will come true. Maybe graduation time? That would be full circle, wouldn't it? Either way I'm going to embrace my superstitious self.