Stop worrying where you're going...

I graduated college a little over a week ago, and have now entered the post grad chapter of my life. In order to avoid any boredom or parental nagging, I got a job right away. I guess it would have been nice to bum around and lay out at the pool all day for a few weeks, but I thought that finding something new to focus my attention on other than wallowing in "what is my life" despair would be a good idea. I haven't always been great at transitions, but graduating helped me gain some perspective about letting go and moving on.

When I was in high school, my drama teacher always told me to "let go". Obviously because he had to repeat this to me several times, this was not something I was good at. (Sidenote: my friends from college kind of poke fun at me that I tell stories or anectdotes about high school very often. I'd like to think that this is because I look at high school me and college me as two very different people and like to point out that evolution. Plus my girl friends from high school that I am still friends with are hilarious and I will continue to tell stories about them till I am old and wrinkly.) Now that I have come to this point where letting go has a new meaning for me.

I think the reason I used to have such a hard time letting go of things was because I didn't like not having any control over certain aspects of my life. When you let go, you accept the things you cannot change and move on. I guess I could have controlled graduating from college to a degree, but it was pretty much inevitable. I had to accept that I was ready to go out into the real world and let go of that part of my life. I can still look back at it and remember the good times, but I have to look forward. (Not too forward though because of that whole "stay in the present" thing).

There is something Dot says in Sunday in the Park with George (my favorite and most-quotable musical) about the present. She says to George: "You taught me about concentration. At first I thought that meant just being still. What you meant to tell me was to be where I was, not somewhere in the past or the future. I worried too much about tomorrow. I thought the world could be perfect. I was wrong." Everything that this character says in this show gets me. If I don't get to play her someday, I will just continue to sing all of her songs at the top of my lungs in the shower.

"I worried too much about tomorrow"-who doesn't? I think the whole approach to take when dealing with a big change like graduating or basically anything big ending in your life is that the only way to deal is to stay in the present. The power lies in the present, right? (Isn't that what Ekhart Tolle says?...Oprah?) I have to put the past behind me (positive or negative) and take things each step at a time And I actually think I can do it. I have no idea where I'm going. I'm looking at my future as a completely open slate.

It kind of makes me think about my view on friendships or relationships. Sometimes they wont last as long as you would like, and sometimes they last for a lifetime. People will be in your life when you need them. Just because someone is far away doesn't mean they can't be present in your life, and just because someone might not be "in" your life doesn't mean they wont be back. You just have to accept the ebb and flow of life. You can control your end of the relationship, but you can't control their end. That's just the way it is. And it should be that way; that is what makes life exciting. If you could control everything you would be pretty bored, I think.

So right now, I'm looking at everything with an open mind. College is behind me, and I'm ready to take on whatever is next.