Love and Other Strugs: Desperation


I’m going to have to get up on a soapbox for this one. Maybe I’ve been marathoning Sex and the City too much and I’m getting all high and mighty and Carrie Bradshaw-y, but I have a bone to pick. 

A few weekends ago I went out (like all 20 something New Yorkers do) and yes, I had one too many greyhounds, but I was fed up. This text message conversation transpired between my roommate and I: 



I was being a little overdramatic, but at this bar, pretty much every guy had not one but two girls literally clinging on to their arms. The male to female ratio in this bar was a little out of whack, but I was looking around in awe of the ridiculousness. Are single girls really that desperate that they need to literally cling? Is that what we have to resort to? No thank you.

My least favorite question to be asked is “Do you have a boyfriend?” or better yet, “When was your last relationship?”. My answers are always “No” and “It’s complicated”. Because I am perpetually single, its almost like I have to apologize or provide some kind of explanation like, “I have a really difficult time committing” or “I’m just really picky”. Why should I feel the need to diagnose myself? 

And then I remember there are plenty of other girls out there just like me who aren’t constantly going from boyfriend to boyfriend and there is absolutely nothing “wrong” with them. And I remember there are plenty of other girls not like me going from boyfriend to boyfriend and honestly...they could work on a couple of things. So why is it that those who are attached seem to have their shit so much more together than those who are unattached? Why is there always some kind of pity party for the single gals?

I can make fun of myself all day long and pick out my flaws till kingdom come. But there is one thing I will never appear: desperate. No matter how much I want something I will never ever (Yes Taylor Swift, never ever) appear desperate. And maybe to a fault. 

In highschool I went on a trip to Europe with my choir and there was a boy I was determined to make out with. It was Italy, there was pasta, and I was gonna get some. On the second or third day of the trip, I came to realize that he was interested, but there was another girl vying for his attention as well. He being a typical dude (“I cannot choose”) let us duke it out. After one day of her chasing him all over Capri, I threw in the towel. Maybe she got the dude, but I still had my dignity. 

I can’t waste my time going on dates with guys I don’t even like or leading someone on just to feel good about myself getting male attention. And if I had to resort to literally clinging, I would feel bad about myself. This probably causes me to be single more often than some girls, but that’s just the way I am. 

The thing is, I can’t hate on the desperate girls. Who am I to judge? Its tough out there, and we all have our stuff. I will do whatever it takes not to look desperate, and some do whatever it takes to get the guy. Instead, we should be a little more supportive of our sex rather than making everything such a competition. Like Tina Fey says in Mean Girls, “You’ve got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores.”

So I’m on this soapbox for all of my girls out there, desperate or not, single or in a relationship; you are enough. I might sound like an annoying motivational speaker, but we need to hear these things sometimes. Being in our 20s and single can be fabulous and it can also be extremely frustrating. So lets try to make it a little easier on each other and leave your Regina George cattiness at the door.

namaste