Follow the Fear

This post is going to be very un-strug like. And for that, I do apologize. But don't worry, currently I have a bruise on my thigh for running into a table, and one on my knee for falling purposefully in improv class, so you haven't completely lost me.

Speaking of improv, The PIT motto (The PIT is where I take improv class and write sketch comedy) is the title of this post: Follow the Fear, and what has been my inspiration for 2014.

In 2013, you would most likely find me like this:

And that's fine. I was living my life. But the shambles got old pretty quickly. When I started taking improv in August, I realized that there are a lot of ways in my life where I hold back. Improv has a creepy way of forcing you to learn a lot more stuff about yourself than you anticipated, and it can be scary. But like, good scary.

One of the many things that were brought to light is that I hold back when it comes to taking care of myself. I realized that the things I was doing that weren't healthy (drinking too much, constantly ordering seamless, lack of sleep, not consistently exercising) were holding me back in more ways than just keeping me from being super skinny. I wasn't trying to lose weight or anything, so I was just living my life. But the way I was living my life was holding me back and I didn't realize it.

Here's the trickling affect (or effect? WHAT IS IT? I learned it once in chemistry class):

Going out after work for drinks leads to getting drunk, which leads to getting home super late, which leads to bad sleep, which leads to waking up at 2pm with a hangover, which prevents me from eating a good breakfast because I'm too lazy to cook, which leads to not working out, and then I go back to work.

Drink, rinse, repeat.

When there is some version of this multiple times a week, it becomes really hard to do the things in your life that you want to do, all the way from mailing a package to lining up an audition. When you wake up feeling like crap whether you are hungover or just tired because you didn't eat well the day before, etc. it becomes really hard to be proactive about your life.

Most people start to change their lifestyle because they see a picture of themselves tagged on Facebook that was taken at a really bad angle and they decide they need to loose 10 lbs on the immediate and start a juice cleanse. That's valid. But I am looking to change my life in a way that nothing can hold me back because I have the energy to get things done. Example:

Heading home after work leads to getting a full nights sleep, leads to waking up at a normal time with energy which leads to eating a good breakfast, which leads to exercising, which leads to writing a sketch, which leads to making a video that goes viral, which leads to FAME FORTUNE AND SUCCESS.

And if I get a little skinnier as a result, then so be it.

I think a part of me actually thought that if I got healthy and stopped ordering Seamless all the time, I wouldn't be funny anymore. I feared I would lose my strug like edge. But then I ran into a table and thought, never mind. I read Cameron Diaz's book, The Body Book  for some tips, motivation and knowledge, and then I gave up alcohol for lent.

I'm just trying to be more like Liz Lemon. (Minus the night cheese).

One time I read Maria Menounos' book and decided that her level of perfection and organization was not only scary but was just never going to happen. I am not aiming for perfection, not in the slightest. I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I'm pretty sure my stories about being sober during lent are going to be hilarious. (I also just had to google how to spell hilarious, so again, you don't need to worry about me loosing the strug-bug).

Lemon out.